The Bacon Blanket Primer

26 Apr

Have you ever wondered how to make a bacon blanket?  No?  Well imagine this: BLT sandwiches that don’t fall apart when sliced, losing tomatoes and bacon all over the counter; a structurally sound deck for your next gingerbread house; an avante-garde “plate” of sorts for a delicious salad.  All of the aforementioned ideas are made possible by the bacon blanket–a beautiful tapestry of meaty snackin’.

End Goal:

bacon blanket

Now you’re interested.  So how does one go about making a bacon blanket, you ask?  The task is quite simple, although I attribute my clear dexterity in the art to my early years, when weaving was one of my favorite pastimes.  I will show you, in the rest of this post, how to make a bacon blanket.  Dear reader, accept your post as apprentice, as you learn this truly artisanal craft, step by step:

1) Obtain a metal pan, preferably a cookie sheet.  I had to make do with a large skillet, this time, because I once left my only sheet tray at a friend’s house and never got it back…

2) Lay out strips of bacon, next to each other, until the width of the lined-up bacon is about equal to the length of one strip.

3) Weave one piece of bacon through the strips, perpendicularly (A).

Exhibit A

4) Fold the strips that are underneath the first piece back over the bacon (B).

Exhibit B

5) Place another strip of bacon down as close as you can get it to the first perpendicular piece (C).

Exhibit C

6)  Repeat steps 4 and 5 until the blanket is complete (D-K).

Exhibit D

Exhibit E

Exhibit F

Exhibit G

Exhibit H

Exhibit I

Exhibit J

Exhibit K: Complete

Now, you should glaze the mat with some kind of sugary glaze to make it even more wrong/oh-so-right.  I drizzled maple syrup over this one, but had I a pastry brush and brown sugar, I would have mixed equal parts of brown sugar and maple syrup with some ground ginger and applied a glossy coat to my blanket.

To finish, bake your bacon blanket at 325 degrees F for 30-40 minutes, or until crispy and delicious.  Enjoy plunged into a scoops of maple ice cream, in a BLT, or just in a box with a fox, in the rain, in a train, in a house with a mouse, here or there, or anywhere: you WILL.  You WILL like it, Sam I Am.  And if you don’t, you’re no fan of mine.

Godspeed,

Me

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4 Responses to “The Bacon Blanket Primer”

  1. chefbrian1 April 26, 2010 at 3:44 pm #

    Wow,

    This is one of the best invention in the world. You should get a patent.

    CB

  2. getinmebelly April 26, 2010 at 5:01 pm #

    Thanks!

  3. Laura April 27, 2010 at 4:42 pm #

    You are the best, funniest and most eloquent writer…you make me laugh!

  4. getinmebelly April 27, 2010 at 4:44 pm #

    Thanks mucho

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