Most Sadly Addicting Foods at College

9 Mar

Yah know, we spend so much time complaining about how bad the damn dining hall food is at school.  But have we ever stopped to realize how much we rely on it?  I’m not talking from an energy standpoint.  I just mean in general.  Face it: you know there’s something in your dining hall that lures you up to the tray stack every night at dinner.  No matter how shameful that thing may be, it exists, for fuck’s sake!  My own personal college addiction list is quite embarrassing, especially for someone who claims to know anything about gourmet food.  But here goes:

  1. Muffins
    The muffins I speak of are strange specimens.  Every morning, a bowl of these quickly hardening baked things sits on our buffet table.  I look at them, in their dull and ugly glory, and take one.  Almost every day!  I think it must be the wrapper that gets me, because I don’t know if they would be identifiable as muffins without that paper giveaway.  And every single morning, I eat the demerera sugar off the top and throw the rest away!!!  I know!  What a waste of food, right?  Well, the greater tragedy is that I wasted valuable cavity opportunities on such a sucky food.
  2. Peanut butter
    I don’t know what it is, but since coming to college, I freaking go crazy if I don’t have a jar of peanut butter (or, much better–almond butter) to snack on.  Although I prefer Jiffy when it comes to my pureed legume spread, our dining hall provides us Skippy.  And I eat it.  It’s really not that great, but without fail, our dining hall manages to lose a jar to my stomach every couple of weeks.
  3. Red velvet cake
    This confession is by far the worst.  Our dorm’s dining hall has this oddly bright colored red velvet cake (no doubt made with the blood of bad residents.)  This strange and easily staled cake-thing has a thick layer of white frosting and red sugar sprinkled on top.  There is a reason I have nick-named this cake the “diabetes cake.”  When I am old and have to have limbs amputated because I ate such a sugary cake, I will be a regretful old lady.  You know when you eat something so sweet you start to get all hot and sweaty?  Yeah, if you don’t, well, you haven’t had the red velvet cake.

    And with that, ladies and gents, I give you crappy yet addicting college food.   What are your secret addictions?

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